


emergencies only

by lesbiancolomar



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, chatfic, honestly this is bad but i'm bored lmak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiancolomar/pseuds/lesbiancolomar
Summary: after the re-call, there was one thing winston had to re-instate and lord was it unsucessful





	1. beginning.

**[Winston] added [Satya Vaswani], [Hana Song], [Fareeha Amari], [Lúcio Correia Dos Santos], [Soldier:76], [Hanzo Shimada], [Tekhartha Zenyatta], [Aleksandra Zaryanova], [Mei-Ling Zhou], [Jamison Fawkes], [Mako Rutledge] and [Brigette Lindholm] to the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

WINSTON: Welcome to the Overwatch Emergency Chat, please note this chat is for emergency contact only. If any of you see anyone using this chat for non-emergency use, contact me immediately.

**[Hana Song] entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Hana Song] changed their name to [D.Va]**

D.VA: wow! a chatroom, how retro!

**[Tracer] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

TRACER: Winston? Love? When are you going to learn that this is never going to work?

WINSTON: Have faith, Lena.

D.VA: yeah lena, have faith :D

TRACER: Hana… you don’t don’t understand 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Genji Shimada] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

TRACER: Speakin of the devils!

GENJI: really this thing again?

MCCREE: what genji said

WINSTON: Like I said Lena, have faith.

TRACER: I'll only have faith if I'm able to moderate these two dweebs. You can't do it alone Winston!

WINSTON: Is that all?

TRACER: Yes.

**[Winston] promoted [Tracer] to Moderator**

TRACER: Awe, thanks Winston

WINSTON: No problem, Lena.

**[Winston] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Tracer] changed the name of the chat to [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

MCCREE: thanks lena!!

GENJI: u really got him

TRACER: winston's my best pal, it was only a matter of time

GENJI: and here i thought your best pal was the cyborg

D.VA: so we're not using this as an emergency chat room?

D.VA: awesome!!!

D.VA: @LÚCIO

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] entered the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

LÚCIO: what is this?

D.VA: a group chat for overwatch agents

TRACER: just don't tell winston

D.VA: got it!

LÚCIO: so is it just us three here or what?

GENJI: mccree and i are here too

MCCREE: howdy

LÚCIO: howdy?

D.VA: who else is cool that can join our club

GENJI: @TEKHARTHA 

MCCREE: @FAREEHA

**[Tekhartha Zenyatta] entered the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

**[Tekhartha Zenyatta] changed their name to [Zenyatta]**

**[Fareeha Amari] entered the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

**[Fareeha Amari] changed their name to [Pharah]**

ZENYATTA: So Kind Of You To Think I'm Cool Enough To Join Your Club, Genji.

PHARAH: what's good jesse

MCCREE: i fucked your bitch fareeha

PHARAH: jesse ... you and i both know genji is not my bitch

GENJI: hey!

MCCREE: still is a bitch tho

GENJI: JESSE!

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

MERCY: Ladies, you're all pretty.

PHARAH: not as pretty as you angela ;-]

MCCREE: WOAHHH

MERCY: Always the flirt, Fareeha.

PHARAH: that's what @SATYA thinks too <3

GENJI: WOAHHH x2

TRACER: ha! gay!

**[Satya Vaswani] entered the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

**[Satya Vaswani] changed their name to [Symmetra]**

SYMMETRA: If I'm not mistaken, you're also gay Miss Oxton.

TRACER: well duh, i meant it positively, satya! gay is the number 1 way!

SYMMETRA: Of course...

PHARAH: hi babe, meet my friends!! mom used to talk about the events of this chat all the time.

MCCREE: ana was a hoot 

GENJI: lmao remember the shampoo incident

D.VA: what's the shampoo incident

LÚCIO: yeah, what??

PHARAH: genji??

GENJI: your mom is the one that did it

PHARAH: sigh, my mom exchanged commander morrisons shampoo with bleach and he almost went bald

GENJI: and then commander reyes had to give up one of his beanies for like… a month

PHARAH: pretty sure he would've done it regardless

**_[Mccree] went idle_ **

D.VA: huh

GENJI: he’s still shaken up about reyes, i’ll go check on him

MERCY: Thank you Genji. 

GENJI: no problem, angela.

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

MERCY: It seems everything else is going smoothly - I’ll be in the med-bay but please, don't hurt yourselves.

D.VA: what if i want a lollipop?

MERCY: Who told you I had lollipops?

D.VA: fareeha.

MERCY: Then, I guess you can visit for that reason.

D.VA: AWE HELL YES!

**[Mercy] left the chat [OVERWATCH IS BACK IN ACTION]**

**  
**  


D.VA: anyways… tracer, whomst is/was commander reyes?

TRACER: oh! he was the leader of blackwatch, a father figure to jesse.

LÚCIO: hana why did you say whomst

D.VA: why not?

D.VA: whomst are you for asking?

**[Tracer] changed the name of the chat to [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

PHARAH: why is lúcio?

LÚCIO: why is lúcio what??

D.VA: lúcio.

SYMMETRA: I don’t understand.

SYMMETRA: What does “whomst” mean?

PHARAH: don’t worry about it babe <3

SYMMETRA: I’ll try, Fareeha. <3

TRACER: you two are too cute! it makes me miss emily

PHARAH: why don't you ask winston to give her a communicator too?

TRACER: never thought about that!!!

SYMMETRA: Speaking of Winston, he just called me to his lab. Care to join?

TRACER: yes!

PHARAH: of course

SYMMETRA: I meant Lena, but you can come too Fareeha.

PHARAH: thanks babe <3

SYMMETRA: <3

**[Symmetra] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Tracer] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Pharah] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

D.VA: psst lúcio - is it just us?

LÚCIO: i think so.

D.VA: great! meet me in my room in 15 minutes.

LÚCIO: bet.

D.VA: bet.

**[D.Va] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

Zenyatta: Fuck My Existence Right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let zenyatta say fuck!  
> also this fic is gonna have a slight plot so be prepared :-]


	2. meet emily + mccree vs. hanzo?

**[Tracer] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Tracer] added [Emily] to [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Emily] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

 

TRACER: @EVERYONE MEET MY GIRLFRIEND !!

 

**[Winston] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Pharah] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Symmetra] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Reinhardt Wilhelm] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Torbjörn Lindholm] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Mccree] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Genji Shimada] re-entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Hanzo Shimada] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Brigette Lindholm] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Mei-Ling Zhou] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Jamison Fawkes] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Mako Rutledge] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Aleksandra Zaryanova] entered the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Aleksandra Zaryanova] changed their name to [Zarya]**

**[Mei-Ling Zhou] changed their name to [Mei]**

 

EMILY: oh my, i didn't know there were so many of you

EMILY: but hello anyway!

JAMISON: hi, quick question!!! how do i change my name?

WINSTON: Top right corner, Jamison.

 

**[Jamison Fawkes] changed their name to [Junkrat]**

**[Mako Rutledge] changed their name to [Roadhog]**

 

JUNKRAT: THANX!

 

**[Winston] changed the name of the chat to [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

WINSTON: Now, everyone say hello to Lena’s girlfriend, Emily.

JUNKRAT: G’DAY EMILY!

ROADHOG: hey

ZARYA: Hello.

MEI: Ni hao!

MERCY: Hello there!

BRIGETTE: Hey hey!

TORBJÖRN: Hello!

 

**[Torbjörn Lindholm] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

REINHARDT: Hello Emily!

D.VA: HI EMILY!

MCCREE: howdy!

GENJI: yo!

LÚCIO: what up emily?

HANZO: Greetings, Emily.

PHARAH: hi, emily

SYMMETRA: Namaste.

ZENYATTA: Peace Be Upon You.

EMILY: thanks guys!

TRACER: wait, soldier: 76 hasn't said hello

D.VA: @SOLDIER:76 SAY HI TO EMILY OR FACE MY FURY

LÚCIO: what fury lmao

D.VA: don’t try me lúcio

 

**[Soldier:76] entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Soldier:76] changed their name to [76]**

 

76: Hey.

 

**[76] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

  


TRACER: don't worry about it love, he doesn't talk to any of us

EMILY: oh okay!

TRACER: <3

EMILY: <3

WINSTON: Well, all seems to be in working order - Lena, you're in charge. Don’t make me regret it.

TRACER: yay! i won’t i promise winston!

 

**[Winston] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

EMILY: so, what do you guys do here?

MCCREE: literally the opposite of winston's rules lmao

GENJI: hey, tracer

TRACER: yes?

GENJI: who do you think would win in a race - me or you?

TRACER: me obvs

LÚCIO: oo! can i join??

MERCY: NO RACING AT WATCHPOINT!

D.VA: awh no fair!!

 

 **[D.Va] whispered to [Lúcio Correia Dos Santos], [Tracer], and [Genji Shimada]:** **_[Race Anyway!]_ **

 

LÚCIO: RACE!

MCCREE: angela, i’m mildly upset and the only way i can be happy is if i see genji lose a race against lúcio and tracer

MCCREE: =|:-[

MERCY: I’m not a psychologist Jesse, go talk to someone else about your problems - I don't want to fix Genji up again.

GENJI: you wouldn't have to fix me up at all if SOMEONE didn't try to kill me

MCCREE: @HANZO

HANZO: Oh, come on!

HANZO: I thought I was forgiven.

GENJI: by me… yes.

GENJI: but mccree?

MCCREE: i will end you, hanzo.

HANZO: I’d like to see you try.

MERCY: NO FIGHTING EACH OTHER EITHER!

TRACER: idk hanzo, i think mccree has you beaten already.

MCCREE: mercy… mercy if i beat hanzo in a fight, then can lúcio, genji, and tracer race?

MERCY: ...

MCCREE: que?

MERCY: No weapons.

MCCREE: DEAL! HANZO MEET ME IN THE TRAINING ROOM IN 5 MINUTES BITCH!

GENJI: PLACE YOUR BETS Y’ALL

MCCREE: did you just say y’all

MCCREE: genji <3

GENJI: fuck off cowboy or i’m betting on my brother

MCCREE: ouch, i need healing.

HANZO: Are you here yet cowboy?

MCCREE: NOPE!

MCCREE: BUT I'M OMW

 

**[Mccree] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Hanzo Shimada] left the chat [WHOMST IS LÚCIO]**

**[Tracer] changed the name of the chat to [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

 

D.VA: i have a pack of gum and my virginity on mccree

BRIGETTE: I'll send pictures of my cat if Hanzo wins

D.VA: really??

LÚCIO: i’ll sign a mixtape for mccree

PHARAH: uh i’ve got some mma tricks for mccree

SYMMETRA: I’ll give everyone a personal hard light invention if Hanzo wins.

PHARAH: really???

JUNKRAT: ROADIE AND I'LL STEAL ANYTHING YOU WANT IF HANZO WINS!

ROADHOG: i never agreed to that, but i dont really care

 

**[Roadhog] left the chat [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

 

ZARYA: Hanzo

D.VA: but what FOR hanzo??

ZARYA: I was never told I had to give anything up.

D.VA: fair.

MEI: I’ll let whoever votes McCree play with Snowball.

REINHARDT: FREE DRINKS FOR MCCREE!

MERCY: I’m not betting.

D.VA: fair x2

D.VA: genji? i’m assuming you're team mccree.

GENJI: who said that?

 

 **[Tracer] highlighted a message:** **_[GENJI: fuck off cowboy, or i’m betting on my brother.]_ **

 

GENJI: okay, fair. but i’m not betting anything on him.

TRACER: :-[

GENJI: fine, i’ll let ya'll see soba.

GENJI: i said y’all again, didn't i? oops.

D.VA: quick question genji?

GENJI: yes?

D.VA: what's a soba?

GENJI: my dragon.

D.VA: HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE A DRAGON?

GENJI: if you think that's cool hanzo has two

D.VA: FUCK!

D.VA: you know what i’m still team mccree, love that funky cowboy. yeehaw.

GENJI: same d.va.

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

  


-

 

**[McCree] entered the chat [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

**[Hanzo Shimada] entered the chat [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

 

D.VA: WHO WON?

MCCREE: who do you think?

BRIGETTE: hanzo??

SYMMETRA: Hanzo?

JUNKRAT: HANZO!

MCCREE: NO I DID LMAO !

HANZO: This… is true.

D.VA: FUCK THAT MEANS I GOTTA GIVE UP MY GUM AND MY VIRGINITY??

MCCREE:  D.VA YOU DIDNT

D.VA: I DID!

MCCREE: D.VA NO!

D.VA: oh well, brigettes cute anyway

BRIGETTE: Wait, what?

D.VA: mccree gets my gum and you get my virginity. unless that makes you uncomfortable?

BRIGETTE: It doesn’t, it’s just sudden is all. <3

D.VA: HOT!

D.VA: MEET ME IN MY ROOM LATER ;)

BRIGETTE: I got ya.

 

**[D.Va] left the chat [COWBOY VS. ARCHER PLACE YR BETS]**

**[Tracer] changed the name of the chat to [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

BRIGETTE: See you guys later!

 

**[Brigette Lindholm] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

MCCREE: so about that race…?

LÚCIO: outside the watchpoint in 10 minutes.

TRACER: YAY!

MCCREE: i’ll go get the ninja.

 

**[Mccree] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Tracer] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

ZARYA: So, how Did you lose, Hanzo?

HANZO: Underestimated the cowboy.

ZARYA: Ah, well if you want to see a real fight - Fareeha, Rein and I are armwrestling in the dining hall. You can hang out with Mei and Satya and watch.

MERCY: I don't want to see any of you in the med bay - I have a date later.

PHARAH: WITH WHO??

MERCY: Classified information.

REINHARDT: FAREEHA! PAY ATTENTION!

PHARAH: you aren't.

REINHARDT: Fair.

 

**[Reinhardt Wilhelm] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Pharah] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Zarya] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Mei] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Symmetra] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

**[Hanzo Shimada] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

MERCY: Is it just me?

JUNKRAT: AND ME!

ZENYATTA: And Me.

MERCY: I’m better off getting ready for my date.

 

**[Mercy] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

JUNKRAT: DO YA LIKE BLOWING STUFF UP ROBO MONK?

ZENYATTA: This Version Of The Zenyatta AI Has Been Turned Off. Please Try Again Later.

JUNKRAT: AWE CRIKEY!

 

**[Junkrat] left the chat [FUNKY COWBOY WINS]**

 

ZENYATTA: Thank God That Worked.


	3. shrike + d.va almost dies

**[Winston] added [Shrike] to the chat [BRIGETTE AND HANA FUCKED IN THE COMMON ROOM]**  
**[Winston] changed the name of the chat to [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

WINSTON: My goodness, I didn't need to know that.

WINSTON: Anyways, meet Shrike everyone - they're one of 76’s friends and companions when it comes to breaking down Talon.

 

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

D.VA: soldier 76 has friends? never woulda thought.

 

**[Shrike] entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

SHRIKE: honestly? same.

D.VA: hi! i’m d.va! or hana - i fucked brigette in the common room.

SHRIKE: and how would torbjörn feel if he actually used this chat more than once a year?

D.VA: uhhhh…  

D.VA: ABORT!

 

**[D.Va] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

WINSTON: Wow, it’s it’s that easy to get rid of her?

SHRIKE: what can i say? i understand the mind of a teenage girl.

 

**[Pharah] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

PHARAH: winston - can you help me fix up my armor? i can't find torb or brigette anywhere and satyas on a mission.

PHARAH: i miss her :-[

WINSTON: Of course, Fareeha - I'll be in my lab soon.

WINSTON: Make yourself at home, Shrike.

PHARAH: thank you winston! and nice to meet you shrike!

 

**[Pharah] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Winston] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

SHRIKE: @76 

**[76] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

76: Yes?

SHRIKE: pm me.

 

**[Shrike] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[76] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

\----

 

**_PRIVATE MESSAGE_ **

 

76: yes ?

SHRIKE: why didn’t didn’t you tell me my DAUGHTER was a part of overwatch - it was one thing lying to you, rein, and the rest of overwatch but do you know how hard it is to lie to my own daughter? and she has a girlfriend now?? who's satya????

76: satya is an ex-member of the vishkar corporation 

76: not as corrupted as the rest but she was raised into the company

76: shes talented and has a level head on her shoulder

SHRIKE: i would like to meet with this satya.

76: she’s currently on a mission in egypt with mei, zarya, and zenyatta. but i’ll set up a meeting with you two. she's good for fareeha, really.

SHRIKE: i’ll be the judge of that.

76: i’m sure you will ana.

SHRIKE: also, another question - how's jesse?

SHRIKE: i mean with gabe gone and everything 

76: he’s holding up - we just don't mention him around jesse, saves everyone's emotions

SHRIKE: ok got it

 

\----

 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

MCCREE: wow go hana

MCCREE: anyways @GENJI

MCCREE: come here dumbass

 

**[Genji Shimada] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

GENJI: yes mccree

MCCREE: where did you put my serape? hana and lúcio both said you stole it

GENJI: lmao find it yourself bitch 

MCCREE: @D.VA homeboy is gonna like... get it

 

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

D.VA: get him jesse!

GENJI: oh shit!!!

MCCREE: watch ur back genji =|>:-]

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[McCree] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

D.VA: @BRIGETTE @LÚCIO i’m bored :-[

 

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Brigette Lindholm] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

  
  


LÚCIO: hi bored i’m lúcio

D.VA: >:-P

BRIGETTE: Oh God, Lúcio - do you know how much of that I get from papa and Rein.

LÚCIO: reins the one that taught me lmao

BRIGETTE: Shouldn't have expected anything less.

D.VA: guyyyys 

D.VA: i’m still bored!!!

BRIGETTE: Can’t you game??

D.VA: i beat them all already and winston banned all co-op games :-/

BRIGETTE: You're cute when you get all angry.

D.VA: yeah yeah

LÚCIO: really? cute? she's scary - she picked up reins hammer with pure rage after she fell off rainbow road again!

D.VA: and i’ll do it again if you keep ruining brigette and i’s moments 

LÚCIO: @REINHARDT

 

**[Reinhardt Wilhelm] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

REINHARDT: I WAS SUMMONED???

LÚCIO: your goddaughter and her gf are threatening me!!

BRIGETTE: HEY! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

D.VA: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON BRIGETTE??

D.VA: lúcio started this 

REINHARDT: LÚCIO??

REINHARDT: HE WOULD NEVER.

LÚCIO: thanks rein:-]]

REINHARDT: ANYWAYS, HAVE ANY OF YOU CHILDREN SEEN MY HAMMER?

LÚCIO: d.va?

D.VA: gtg!

 

**[D.Va] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

REINHARDT: you're saying the little one took it?

LÚCIO: evidence speaks for itself.

REINHARDT: well to quote the great hana song - “gg ez"

 

**[Reinhardt Wilhelm] left the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

LÚCIO: brigette? hes not gonna kill her, right?

BRIGETTE: I highly doubt that.

LÚCIO: ok just checking.


	4. mccree has a change of appearance + ana exposes herself, jack, and gabe at once

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

MCCREE: @TRACER @D.VA @LÚCIO

MCCREE: good news, i found my sarape

MCCREE: bad news, i’m FUCKING BLOND

 

[ **Genji Shimada] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

GENJI: fyi THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME

MCCREE: SHUT UP

 

**[Tracer] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

TRACER: like how blonde tho?

MCCREE: morrison but worse

 

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

D.VA: LMAO

D.VA: @LÚCIO IT WORKED!

MCCREE: WHAT WORKED!

 

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

LÚCIO: LMAO !!

MCCREE: YOU GUYS DID THIS DIDNT YOU?

LÚCIO: GUILTY AS CHARGED

D.VA: THAT MEANS VERY GUILTY

MCCREE: I SWEAR!!

 

**[Shrike] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

SHRIKE: What's going on in here?

MCCREE: D.VA AND LÚCIO FORCED ME TO DYE MY HAIR BLOND

SHRIKE: How do they force you to go blond?

D.VA: WE PUT BLEACH IN HIS CONDITIONER

D.VA: HAIR BLEACH

MCCREE: 

=|>:-[

SHRIKE: Oh! Like Amari did to Morrison?

MCCREE: YES

MCCREE: wait how do you know about that

SHRIKE: How do I know about what?

MCCREE: ana dying morrisons hair

MCCREE: that was like… 7 years ago

D.VA: ?!

GENJI: omg

GENJI: are you a mole for talon…?

GENJI: does that make 76 a mole too???

SHRIKE: I had a feeling this would happen.

 

**[Shrike] changed their name to [Ana Amari]**

 

MCCREE: WHAT THE FUCK

MCCREE: @EVERYONE

ANA: Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you've seen the last of me.

  
  


**[Winston] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[76] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Satya Vaswani] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Pharah] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Brigette Lindholm] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Reinhardt Wilhelm] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Torbjörn Lindholm] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Zarya] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Mei] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Junkrat] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Roadhog] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Emily] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

**[Hanzo Shimada] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

REINHARDT: WHAT THE HELL ANA

PHARAH: mom??

MCCREE: wait a minute, that must mean that 76 is morrison

76: What makes you say that?

GENJI: to be fair, you didn't fool any of us

76: i fooled d.va, lúcio, and junkrat.

D.VA: WE DON'T COUNT, WE WEREN'T A PART OF OVERWATCH LIKE THE REST OF YOU

D.VA: EXCLUDING ZARYA

ZARYA: Thank you, D.Va.

JUNKRAT: AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT AN OVERWATCH WAS UNTIL ROADIE AND I GOT ARRESTED AGAIN 

ROADHOG: again...

REINHARDT: YOU GUYS ARE TELLING ME I DIDN’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA OF BURYING MY BEST FRIENDS   
REINHARDT: no offense torb

TORBJÖRN: none taken.

ANA: hello fareeha and yes, jack is soldier:76

MCCREE: so reyes is the only one that died huh

76: ffs he’s REAPER

MCCREE: ?

MCCREE: who dat

76: have you guys actually been fighting talon since the recall

WINSTON: About that…

GENJI: Tracer, Winston and I fought Doomfist - if that counts?

D.VA: c’mon! i wanna kick some bad guy ass!

MCCREE: idk d.va - i kinda wanna kick some soldier:76 ass rn

HANZO: Oh, you better run Jack.

GENJI: hanzo are you actually afraid of mccree

HANZO: No, that’s foolish of you to think.

HANZO: He just hits really hard - anybody that can beat a trained assassin in battle is a threat.

GENJI: he can’t beat me.

HANZO: But I can, Brother.

 

**_[Genji Shimada] went idle_ **

 

ZENYATTA: Watch Your Words Carefully Hanzo. I Helped Him Forgive You, I Can Make Him Resent You Again.

D.VA: ooo! get her zen!

HANZO: I am not a “her" Hana.

D.VA: ¿ does it matter ?

WINSTON: There would be no need for that, what we should focus on is the reunion between Ana, Jack, and the rest of Overwatch.

D.VA: meh why should i care?

WINSTON: That's fair.

 

**[Tracer] changed the chat name to [OVERWATCH REUNION PARTY]**

 

WINSTON: There will be no party to be held, Lena.

ANA: really winston? :-[

PHARAH: to be fair, i dont want to be at a party for my mother who lied to me for 6 years

SYMMETRA: And I never cared much for the old Overwatch. 

LÚCIO: i never cared much for vishkar either but look at where we are.

D.VA: lúcio pls don’t fight symmetra

LÚCIO: i’m not, she was a victim of vishkar. we're friends, right satya?

SYMMETRA: I don't have friends.

PHARAH: what am i???

SYMMETRA: My girlfriend.

SYMMETRA: The elder Shimada is also quite easy to hang around.

HANZO: Arigato, Satya.

SYMMETRA: No problem, Hanzo.

SYMMETRA: I have two friends.

LÚCIO: well, somebody has to be hanzos friend.

HANZO: What's that supposed to mean?

LÚCIO: you're stuck up man!

D.VA: hes not wrong, but he still shouldn't say it

MCCREE: and you almost killed genji so that doesnt look good on your track record

HANZO: I've lived with regret for many years, Jesse.

MCCREE: dont care

MERCY: Can you guys please stop fighting?

MCCREE: no

HANZO: Yes.

ANA: always the peacekeeper angela.

MERCY: Thank you, Captain Amari - I’m glad you’re back.

PHARAH: i’m not

ANA: fareeha, i’m sorry for lying about my death - i thought it was better for everyone.

PHARAH: better for my emotional trauma, perhaps.

SYMMETRA: Fareeha, would you like to go for a walk?

PHARAH: that sounds nice, satya.

  
**[Satya Vaswani] left the chat [OVERWATCH REUNION PARTY]**

 

PHARAH: and mom, i don’t want to see you until i’ve recovered.

ANA: that’s fair.

 

**[Pharah] left the chat [OVERWATCH REUNION PARTY]**

 

TRACER: so about that party?

WINSTON: We can set up a theater in the lab.

TRACER: I’LL BRING THE POPCORN!

WINSTON: Put peanut butter on mine please, Lena.

TRACER: OF COURSE WINSTON!

 

**[Tracer] left the chat [OVERWATCH REUNION PARTY]**

 

WINSTON: Meet me in the lab in half and hour.

 

**[Winston] left the chat [OVERWATCH REUNION PARTY]**

 

ANA: glad to see not much has changed.

MCCREE: same old overwatch - minus reyes and liao and gerard and others.

MCCREE: ok not the same old overwatch.

ANA: close enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summer games mccree is my fave also pls leave comments, it would make my day


	5. talon chat + talon pranks

**[Doomfist] re-entered the chat [DOOMFIST ME DADDY]**

 

DOOMFIST: For the last time Sombra, stop changing the name of the chat.

SOMBRA: wheres the fun in that tho

DOOMFIST: Talon is a terrorist organization, it’s not supposed to be fun.

SOMBRA: that's what you think

 

**[Reaper] re-entered the chat [DOOMFIST ME DADDY]**

 

DOOMFIST: Gabriel, please take care of your child.

REAPER: sombra is not my child.

SOMBRA: really? you adopted me ‘member?

REAPER: you forged those adoption papers and you know it.

SOMBRA: oh c’mon gabe

REAPER: dont call me gabe.

SOMBRA: >:-[

SOMBRA: do you want me to leak the real adoption papers between you and mccree?

REAPER: oh God no.

SOMBRA: then let me call you gabe, gabe.

MAXIMILIAN: Blackmail Won’t Always Work In Your Favor, Sombra.

SOMBRA: says the omnic that makes a living off of it.

 

**[Moira O’Deridian] re-entered the chat [DOOMFIST ME DADDY]**

 

SOMBRA: speaking of blackmailing! moira??

MOIRA: No.

SOMBRA: aw c’mon, you don't even know what i’m going to ask!

MOIRA: And I don't want to.

SOMBRA: so, you're not gonna answer about you and dr. ziegler?

MOIRA: No.

REAPER: they hate each other, i thought that was known.

SOMBRA: well, i just so happen to have evidence that shows our dr. o’deridian and overwatch's dr. ziegler on a date in gibraltar

REAPER: and how do you know this?

SOMBRA: hacked their security cameras.

DOOMFIST: Now some blackmail would be nice.

SOMBRA: there's nothing ever going on akande.

SOMBRA: except mccree and genji sneaking around to make out but… that's irrelevant.

REAPER: WHAT?

SOMBRA: everyone else is obvious about their relationships - like torbjörns daughter and the meka pilot always bang right in front of the cameras.

SOMBRA: and sanjays little puppet and her gf are always together.

SOMBRA: speaking of Sanjay

SOMBRA: @SANJAY

 

**[Sanjay Korpal] re-entered the chat [DOOMFIST ME DADDY]**

 

SANJAY: What do you want, Sombra?

SOMBRA: you never told me satya vaswani was a lesbian - i would've made my move sooner.

SANJAY: How do you know of Satya and her sexuality?

SOMBRA: her girlfriend- fareeha?¿ - and her are cute together

REAPER: FAREEHA’S A PART OF OVERWATCH NOW?

SOMBRA: lol you didnt know?

REAPER: i only got the files on old agents sombra

SOMBRA: anyways sanjay, dont think too much about it.

SANJAY: I've got a business to run and Satya is the most important asset.

SOMBRA: shes a person but go off…

SANJAY: Is that sarcasm?

SOMBRA: no no pendejo - when have i ever been sarcastic to you before

REAPER: sombra…

SOMBRA: dont worry gabe

SOMBRA: sombra out

 

**[Sombra] has left the chat [DOOMFIST ME DADDY]**

 

MOIRA: Can we please change the name, Akande?

MOIRA: Something with less sexual undertones maybe?

 

**[Doomfist] changed the name of the chat to [Talon]**

 

REAPER: classy

DOOMFIST: Now, Moira - what's with you and Dr. Ziegler and Reaper, how do you know this Fareeha?

MOIRA: There's nothing going on between me and Dr. Ziegler and Fareeha is the daughter of his old friend, Miss Ana Amari.

DOOMFIST: A soft spot, Gabriel?

REAPER: of course not, akande.

DOOMFIST: Good.

\---

_**PRIVATE MESSAGE** _

 

REAPER: sombra? everything okay?

SOMBRA: i just hate how sanjay thinks he can treat people like trash - satyas nice, from what i can see; she deserves to be happy with fareeha

REAPER: this is a terrorist organization, hon. if you can't handle people getting treated like trash, you're in the wrong business.

SOMBRA: just tell me how long until this place crashes and burns

REAPER: it might take a while longer, i never planned for winston to initiate the recall

SOMBRA: do they know that you're doing this?

SOMBRA: taking talon down from the inside?

REAPER: of course not sombra, it's too risky for all of us.

REAPER: besides jack knows but nobody but us and ana know his new persona.

SOMBRA: yeah about that…

REAPER: is jack okay???

SOMBRA: the rest of overwatch know now too, ana screwed them over in their “company group chat"

REAPER: oh God, that's still a thing?

SOMBRA: yeah.

SOMBRA: wanna fuck with them?

REAPER: ...yes.

SOMBRA: hell yeah

SOMBRA: boop!

 

**\---**

 

**[Sombra] entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

**[Reaper] entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

MCCREE: uh guys?

REAPER: **hello old friends >:-]**

SOMBRA: overwatch, your secrets are about to be exposed.

MCCREE: @WINSTON HELP???

REAPER: **you're acting like you've seen a ghost, jesse**

SOMBRA: poor mccree, just wants to get over his daddy issues

MCCREE: HE’S NOT MY DAD!

SOMBRA: really? my bad pendejo- i thought the adoption paper i found from 20 years ago was legit.

REAPER: **i’m almost hurt, jesse.**

 

**[Winston] re-entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

WINSTON: Who called?

WINSTON: Also, what's with the name of this chat?

REAPER: **ah, we meet again winston - glad you initiated the recall, made my job a whole lot easier**

WINSTON: Reaper? How’d you get here?

SOMBRA: hola!

MCCREE: you see my problem, winston??? also lena got mad that she couldn't use her chrono accelerator to go back in time to orgasm twice.

WINSTON: How many more Talon agents are here? And that's disgusting.

SOMBRA: just me and your old friend gabe, don’t worry - we’ll make ourselves very comfortable.

WINSTON: Honestly, it could be worse.

WINSTON: Just don't kill anybody here.

 

**[Winston] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

MCCREE: golly thanks, winston!

 

 **[McCree** **] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

**[Tracer] re-entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

REAPER: **hello again oxton**

TRACER: cool, talon agents. can one of you add widowmaker here?

SOMBRA: back off my girlfriend “luv”

TRACER: huh? we’re friends.

SOMBRA: i know one (1) thing about widow and it's that she doesn't have friends.

SOMBRA: she doesn't even consider me a friend.

REAPER: **that's because you're yourself, sombra**

TRACER: i just got a feeling of deja vu

SOMBRA: huh?

TRACER: you just made it sound like you and widow are satya and fareeha

TRACER: aCTUally, satya, widow and hanzo would get along

SOMBRA: fine.

SOMBRA: i’ll add her.

 

**[Widowmaker] entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

WIDOWMAKER: What is this, cheri?

SOMBRA: overwatchs chat… its already more fun than talons

WIDOWMAKER: Of course you would say that.

TRACER: hey amèlie!!

WIDOWMAKER: Oh great… a nuisance.

TRACER: awww! you do remember me!

SOMBRA: what did i say kiddo?

REAPER: **sombra, shes only three years younger than you.**

TRACER: hA!

SOMBRA: the sentiment still stands.

WIDOWMAKER: What sentiment?

TRACER: she thinks i’m gonna steal you away from her!

TRACER: but i have emily so she has nothing to worry about!

TRACER: speaking of… @EMILY

 

**[Emily] re-entered the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

EMILY: Yes darling?

TRACER: theres more people in the chat now!

EMILY: Oh?

TRACER: yeah!

WIDOWMAKER: You're the one keeping her away?

WIDOWMAKER: Thank you.

SOMBRA: yes, thank you :-)

EMILY: You're welcome?

TRACER: alrighty! uh let's go now emily.

EMILY: Sounds good to me.

 

**[Tracer] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

**[Emily] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

SOMBRA: awe now its boring!

WIDOWMAKER: I still don't think we should be in here.

SOMBRA: but you'll get to learn more about your targets!

WIDOWMAKER: That's true, but it wouldn't matter anyway.

WIDOWMAKER: I’m going to leave.

SOMBRA: :-(

SOMBRA: bye sugartits

WIDOWMAKER: Don’t call me something so… so derogatory.

SOMBRA: what should i call you?

WIDOWMAKER: Widowmaker.

 

**[Widowmaker] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

 

REAPER: **you really charmed her sombra**

SOMBRA: oh be quiet gabe

REAPER: **reminds me of jesse and genji in the blackwatch days**

SOMBRA: >:-(

SOMBRA: i don't care about your estranged family problems

REAPER: **you wouldn't.**

 

**[Sombra] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

**[Reaper] left the chat [FUCK IT!]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to elaborate on what sombra says; gabe actually adopted jesse when he was 17 in this verse but it was kept secret from the public and also she faked an adoption certificate saying gabe was her real dad and akande just kinda believed it


	6. talon chat pt. 2 + everybody hates moira/mccree n sombra become friends?

**[Sombra] re-entered the chat [Talon]**

**[Sombra] changed the name of the chat to [WIDOW HAS A NICE ASS CHANGE MY MIND]**

 

SOMBRA: ;-) @WIDOWMAKER c’mere bby

 

**[Widowmaker] re-entered the chat [WIDOW HAS A NICE ASS CHANGE MY MIND]**

 

WIDOWMAKER: Sombra, why must you flirt with me like this?

SOMBRA: i have no experience with relationships that aren't comical.

WIDOWMAKER: It's time like this where I miss Gerárd.

SOMBRA: :-( now i’m sad

SOMBRA: also don't say that in front of anybody else, i don't want you to go through more procedures.

WIDOWMAKER: I don't need you to worry about me.

SOMBRA: i have ANXIETY widow

 

**[Reaper] re-entered the chat [WIDOW HAS A NICE ASS CHANGE MY MIND]**

 

REAPER: change the name sombra.

SOMBRA: fine!

 

**[Sombra] changed the name of the chat to [REAPER NEEDS TO SHOWER 2K76]**

 

REAPER: sombra…

SOMBRA: i’m not scared of you gabe

WIDOWMAKER: I don't think anybody is.

SOMBRA: OHH!!!

REAPER: sleep with one eye open sombra

SOMBRA: jokes on you, i sleep with both eyes open!

WIDOWMAKER: She’s not kidding, it's one of the only things that disgusts me.

REAPER: what else disgusts you?

WIDOWMAKER: This entire organization.

REAPER: that's fair.

WIDOWMAKER: The way you talk about Morrison.

SOMBRA: i’ll drink to that bro.

WIDOWMAKER: Alcohol interferes with my biology.

REAPER: so what did you do with the wine moira gave you last christmas?

WIDOWMAKER: Nothing, she got it for herself.

SOMBRA: moiras an evil bitch.

 

**[Moira O'Deridian] re-entered the chat [REAPER NEEDS TO SHOWER 2K76]**

 

MOIRA: I second the notion.

REAPER: hey!

MOIRA: Hello, Gabriel.

SOMBRA: hey moira! :-)

WIDOWMAKER: Bonjour.

MOIRA: Is it just you three here?

WIDOWMAKER: Tragically.

SOMBRA: :-( why are you embarrassed of me?

REAPER: you don't have an off button.

SOMBRA: that's because i’m human, not an omnic.

MOIRA: Let's hope that never becomes our reality.

MOIRA: Anyways, a little birdy told me you three infiltrated Overwatch's company chatroom and I want in.

SOMBRA: no.

MOIRA: Do you want Akande to know of your little escapade?

SOMBRA: ...no

MOIRA: Then add me.

SOMBRA: why do you want in anyway?

MOIRA: You know why.

SOMBRA: dr. ziegler?

MOIRA: And Bingo was her name.

SOMBRA: o.

SOMBRA: and bingo was her name-o.

REAPER: sombra, now is not the time for jokes.

SOMBRA: oh c’mon gabe.

MOIRA: You're stalling, I guess I’ll tell Akande now.

SOMBRA: fine! >:-(

MOIRA: I knew you weren't as stupid as you looked.

SOMBRA: i’m going to ignore that.

 

-

 

**[Sombra] added [Moira O'Deridian] to the chat [EMILY IS BEST GIRL]**

**[Sombra] changed the name of the chat to [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

GENJI: you're kidding

SOMBRA: sadly, no

GENJI: @MCCREE

 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

GENJI: sombra added the woman who single handedly destroyed blackwatch to this chat

MCCREE: huh?

SOMBRA: i thought gabe did that?

GENJI: he wouldn't have done what he did if she didn't sell the operation out to talon

MCCREE: i’m still confused.

SOMBRA: @MOIRA

 

**[Moira O'Deridian] entered the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

MCCREE: OH!

MOIRA: Jesse, nice to see you haven't switched sides yet.

MCCREE: so i could work for lowlifes like you? no thanks.

MOIRA: Ah, same old McCree - too stuck in his own ways to see the truths of the world.

GENJI: same old moira - too stuck in her own ways to see nobody likes her.

MOIRA: And Genji? I’m assuming he’s as arrogant as ever.

SOMBRA: ay dios mios, i knew this was a mistake.

MOIRA: You're used to making them, it's okay.

SOMBRA: that's it!

 

**[Sombra] silenced [Moira O'Deridian] for _00:30:00_**

 

SOMBRA: @MERCY

 

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

MERCY: Who called? If it was Genji, I don't care if you need healing - ask somebody else.

GENJI: i wasn't the one that called you, angela.

SOMBRA: hola, dr. ziegler.

MERCY: Since when are there Talon agents here?

MCCREE: since a week ago.

SOMBRA: ...anyways… your girlfriend blackmailed me into adding her

MERCY: Girlfriend?

GENJI: yeah what?

SOMBRA: moira already outed you two, can you just talk to her for everybody's sake?

MERCY: Damnit, I guess I have to!

MCCREE: much obliged.

GENJI: thank you angela.

MERCY: Yeah, yeah - you're welcome.

 

**[Mercy] left the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

SOMBRA: i’m sorry guys

MCCREE: oh?

SOMBRA: she blackmailed me, i’m serious

SOMBRA: i didn't know she was gonna be THAT much of a bitch

GENJI: it's moira, it doesn't matter

MCCREE: WHAT HE MEANS IS... it's fine and do you wanna go for drinks later

GENJI: that is not what i meant.

GENJI: i can't even drink.

SOMBRA: neither can widow...

MCCREE: fine! what I mean is, you're forgiven and do you want to go for drinks later?

SOMBRA: that sounds fun, thanks mccree.

MCCREE: yeah, just tell me the best gabriel stories

SOMBRA: that i can do

SOMBRA: sombra out

 

**[Sombra] left the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

MCCREE: also genji, i don't care if you can't drink - you're coming with

GENJI: >:(

MCCREE: i love you <3

 

**[McCree] left the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**

 

GENJI: zenyatta?

ZENYATTA: Yes, My Student?

GENJI: if i have to go, can you come with?

ZENYATTA: Of Course, Genji.

GENJI: thanks master, you're the best. :D

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [WIDOW IS BEST GIRL]**


	7. don't get on mercy's bad side + other petty arguments

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

D.VA: what's gay?

TRACER: overwatch.

D.VA: oh shit, you're right!

MCCREE: of course she is, she’s overwatch's most distinguished lesbian

TRACER: awh! thanks jesse!

MCCREE: no problem lena 

TRACER: even though i hate to say that you and genji are disaster gays

D.VA: oo lena strikes again with the knowledge!

D.VA: critical hit!

GENJI: angela, i need healing.

MERCY: Go ask Zenyatta or Lúcio to help.

ZENYATTA: I’m Pretty Sure I’ve Healed Him Enough, Dr. Ziegler.

LÚCIO: genji said he doesn't understand how my music is supposed to help.

GENJI: how does SOUND fix actual wounds?

LÚCIO: I DON’T KNOW? HOW DO YOU AND HANZO HAVE ACTUAL DRAGONS?

GENJI: MAGIC BITCH!

MERCY: I need a drink.

MCCREE: can i join?

MERCY: Jesse, I believe your liver is going to kill you someday.

MCCREE: we all die ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

GENJI: you either kill yourself or your brother kills you first

D.VA: ? i thought it was “get killed”

LÚCIO: whatcha gonna do?

GENJI: i was making a call out to hanzo 

D.VA: oh! like this @HANZO

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] re-entered the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

HANZO: What is up with this organization and homosexuality?

GENJI: gay is the only way, hanzo.

HANZO: Of course you would say that.

GENJI: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

HANZO: Why was I called anyway?

D.VA: oh! genji made another reference to you killing him!

MCCREE: we should make that a drinking game - every time genji mentions his trauma take a shot.

MERCY: Jesse! You need to slow down on your drinking!

MCCREE: i’m drinking for both me and genji tho :-[

MERCY: I don't care, you don't need alcohol to survive.

HANZO: I’m pretty sure Genji drank enough in his youth for everyone in this chat anyway.

GENJI: yeah well if someone didn't try to MURDER me, i wouldn't feel the need to drink more.

MCCREE: oo! SHOT!

MERCY: DAMNIT JESSE!

 

**[Mercy] left the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

TRACER: oooo!! jesse's gonna die!

MCCREE: it's been nice knowing yall :’-[

 

**_[McCree] has gone idle_ **

 

D.VA: press f to pay respects

LÚCIO: f.

TRACER: f.

GENJI: f.

HANZO: I don't have time for this nonsense.

GENJI: you don't do anything anyways.

HANZO: Don't get me started, Brother.

ZENYATTA: Hanzo, I Warned You.

HANZO: I’m not afraid of an omnic.

D.VA: hey! don't talk to zen like that!

HANZO: And I’m certainly not afraid of a child.

D.VA: i’m 19! i’m an adult!

LÚCIO: c’mon man, chill.

GENJI: hey hanzo?

HANZO: What do you want, Brother?

GENJI: since my boyfriend is dying, you can kill me for real this time. 

TRACER: awh! a love story for the ages.

D.VA: deffo a better love story than twilight.

LÚCIO: i still shudder when i think of the time reinhardt forced us to watch it.

HANZO: That would give you satisfaction, Genji. I’ll pass.

GENJI: :’(

HANZO: Now, I must go back to training.

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] left the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

  
  


GENJI: hey @SOMBRA

 

**[Sombra] re-entered the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

SOMBRA: hola mis amigos!

SOMBRA: i was summoned?

GENJI: can you hack the security cameras to see if mccree is actually dying?

D.VA: who's sombra?

SOMBRA: only the worlds greatest hacker, and you?

D.VA: d.va - pro gamer and successful streamer. not to mention koreas best meka pilot.

SOMBRA: ah! i know you, i hacked one of your streams before.

D.VA: ?

SOMBRA: don’t worry about it, cariño ;-)

D.VA: whatever you say 

LÙCIO: anyways… is our friend dead or not?

SOMBRA: he’s fine, just a little beat up - what did he even do?

GENJI: got on mercy’s last nerve.

SOMBRA: after spending so much time around moira, i expected something to go down.

TRACER: wait, mccree’s okay?

SOMBRA: sí

TRACER: damnit 

TRACER: i thought something interesting was going to happen for once

TRACER: can you get your talon friends to plan an attack so overwatch can stop them?

SOMBRA: you guys actually wanna get attacked?

D.VA: yeah, tracer has a point - nothing ever goes on here except for the fires junkrat starts

LÚCIO: he almost blew up my room! all my recording equipment is in there!

TRACER: what excuse does he have - he's quite EXPLOSIVE

TRACER: sorry, i’ll go home.

SOMBRA: cheers, love.

TRACER: >:[

LÚCIO: well someone here has to make money and i can't be that someone if all my equipment is destroyed

D.VA: hey! i make money through my streams!

LÚCIO: that you spend almost immediately.

D.VA: lúcio! >:(

GENJI: can we go back to the original conversation - is my boyfriend still alright?

SOMBRA: he’s fine, he’ll most likely be in a coma for a few days -  but yolo

D.VA: did you just use the phrase yolo?

D.VA: how old ARE you?

SOMBRA: nunya.

D.VA: what number is nunya?

SOMBRA: nunya business.

SOMBRA: boop.

 

**[Sombra] left the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

GENJI: WAIT! why would mccree be in a coma for a few days???

TRACER: let me check

D.VA: did she just nunya business me?

LÙCIO: to be fair, you did it to yourself.

D.VA: lúcio! not helping! >:(

TRACER: so apparently, mccree's been put under anesthetic AND was shot with ana's sleep dart!

GENJI: @MERCY

 

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [FELLAS ITS GAY]**

 

MERCY: What is wanted of me now?

GENJI: why?

MERCY: Why what, Genji?

GENJI: why put mccree in a coma?

MERCY: He needs a break from drinking, Genji. 

D.VA: to be honest, genji has a point - that is a little extreme.

MERCY: Who in here has a Phd in medicine?

MERCY: That's what I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, thanks for the early support on this fic - it's kinda crazy, but that's because i'm going to try to update at least once daily until either this is finished or i have another fic up on here so sorry if it gets confusing sometimes.


	8. everyone hates reaper + other secrets exposed

**[Reaper] re-entered the chat [2 DAYS WITHOUT MCCRIZZLE]**

 

REAPER:  **what happened to mccree?**

D.VA: you're the grim reaper, shouldn't you know? 

REAPER:  **HE DIED?**

SOMBRA: jeez gabe, now you choose to be an active dad?

REAPER:  **what do you know about active fathers, sombra?**

SOMBRA: ouch!

GENJI: he’s not dead.

REAPER:  **thank god.**

WINSTON: Why do you sound so relieved, I thought you wanted all of us dead?

SOMBRA: yeah gabe

TRACER: and what's this about reaper being an “active dad" to mccree?

SOMBRA: mccree is gabes adopted son, you didn't know?

REAPER:  **sombra!**

SOMBRA: sorry gabe

 

**[Ana Amari] re-entered the chat [2 DAYS WITHOUT MCCRIZZLE]**

**[Mercy] re-entered the chat [2 DAYS WITHOUT MCCRIZZLE]**

 

MERCY: McCree has finally woken up.

REAPER:  **is he responsive?**

ANA: what's reaper doing here?

SOMBRA: being a terrible father.

TRACER: ana, did YOU know reyes adopted mccree?

ANA: of course i did

TRACER: was i the only one that was never told?

WINSTON: To be fair, you were our last recruit before everything went apeshit.

D.VA: apeshit.

WINSTON: I’m the only one allowed to make puns about myself.

REAPER:  **whatever you say, monkey.**

GENJI: hey, quick question angela, when will mccree be able to get out of the med-bay?

ANA: don’t you dare think of fucking him

GENJI: my dick fell off, i can't.

GENJI: thanks hanzo and mercy.

MERCY: Huh, now that you're being an asshole Genji - I’ll put your boyfriend back to sleep.

ANA: angela, have mercy.

D.VA: oh another PUN!

MERCY: Do you want to be put to sleep, Hana?

D.VA: please? it's hard being a streamer and a soldier!

REAPER:  **then only be one?**

GENJI: she's gonna murder you for that one.

 

**[Genji Shimada] whispered to [Reaper]; [** **_convince her to give up games so i can get my high scores back]_ **

 

D.VA: hmpf you wouldn't tell lúcio to give up music would you

WINSTON: He doesn't care about Lúcio’s music, all he listens to is My Chemical Romance.

MERCY: IS THAT WHERE MOIRA GOT IT FROM?

MERCY: JESUS CHRIST!

 

**[Mercy] left the chat [2 DAYS WITHOUT MCCRIZZLE]**

 

REAPER:  **what can i say? gerard way is a handsome man.**

SOMBRA: more handsome than jack huh?

REAPER:  **SOMBRA!**

TRACER: @76 !

REAPER:  **oh no**

 

**[76] re-entered the chat [2 DAYS WITHOUT MCCRIZZLE]**

 

76: what? is there an actual emergency happening?

TRACER: if you call reaper saying that gerard way is more handsome than you, then yes.

REAPER:  **i will end you oxton.**

SOMBRA: don’t sweat it “luv", i got your back on this one.

TRACER: aw, sweet!

 

**[Tracer] changed the name of the chat to [SUCK IT REAPER]**

**[Tracer] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

76: yeah, suck it.

REAPER:  **jack!**

D.VA: ew! old men flirting! leave!

ANA: it's nice to see you two getting along for once.

REAPER:  **you're still on my list ana.**

ANA: it could be worse. 

ANA: i could accidentally witness hana and brigette fucking on the couch.

D.VA: YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TELL.

GENJI: ana’s always willing to double-cross you, it's why poker was banned years ago.

76: i have no regrets on my decision.

76: we were losing money from the UN and it was all going to ana and her sick mind games.

ANA: do you have anything else to say about me, jack?

76: yes, can you and reinhardt please be a little less obnoxious with your pda?

D.VA: seconded. 

GENJI: i don't think reinhardt has any other personality than obnoxious.

ANA: do you want to take it up with him?

GENJI: no…

ANA: exactly.

SOMBRA: wait a minute, ana and reinhardt?

REAPER:  **greatest hacker in the world and you didn't know?**

SOMBRA: it never crossed my mind, gabe!

ANA: aw, gabriel - still proud that you officiated us?

D.VA: ana and rein are MARRIED?

D.VA: @BRIGETTE

 

**[Brigette Lindholm] re-entered the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

BRIGETTE: Hello?

D.VA: WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ANA AND REINHARDT WERE MARRIED?

BRIGETTE: You never questioned it. 

ANA: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry i never disclosed my relationship status to the public.

SOMBRA: i may not have known about ana and reinhardt, but i am very aware of jack and gabe's marriage status.

REAPER:  **SOMBRA STOP!**

SOMBRA: sorry not sorry

SOMBRA: boop.

 

**[Sombra] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

GENJI: is she for real?

GENJI: i can't wait to tell jesse.

D.VA: is he even still awake??

GENJI: only one way to find out ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

76: way to go, gabe.

REAPER:  **what did i do?**

76: allowed our marriage to be exposed.

 

**[76] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

REAPER:  **JACK !**

ANA: don’t worry gabriel, he’ll come around.

 

**[Ana Amari] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

REAPER:  **ugh**

 

**[Reaper] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

BRIGETTE: Is anyone else as confused as I am?

D.VA: yep.

D.VA: wanna kiss and forget about it?

BRIGETTE: please.

 

**[Brigette Linholm] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

**[D.Va] left the chat [SUCK IT REAPER]**

 

WINSTON: Why do I even bother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember at the end of last chapter where i said i'd try to update every day? oops. anyways i hope you enjoy this because next chapter theres gonna be a bit more world building than there should be for a chatfic.


	9. the return of blackwatch

**[Winston] re-entered the chat [S U C C]**

**[Winston] changed the name of the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

WINSTON: @GENJI @MCCREE

D.VA: ooo! what did they do??? :o

 

**[Winston] silenced [D.Va] for** **_01:00:00_ **

**[Genji Shimada] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

GENJI: mccree says howdy

WINSTON: McCree can stop pretending he’s still dying. 

GENJI: mccree says he can't 

WINSTON: Winston says if McCree doesn’t enter this chat room in the next five seconds Winston will get Captain Amari to punish him.

GENJI: mccree says he'll be here right away

 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [Overwatch Emergency Chat]**

 

MCCREE: howdy winston!

WINSTON: Don't act all casual, you know what you did.

MCCREE: i was in a medically induced coma for TWO days, what did i do?

WINSTON: You're completely unaware that there's a pregnant cat wandering around the watchpoint floors right now?

MCCREE: how do you know it’s not brigettes 

WINSTON: Both Torbjörn and Reinhardt confirmed that it's not her cat.

GENJI: okay? how do we play into this?

WINSTON: Zenyatta?

ZENYATTA: Sorry Genji, I Confessed.

MCCREE: what were we supposed to do, leave her outside? what if she got hurt?

WINSTON: Owning pets is strictly against Overwatch protocol.

MCCREE: :-[

GENJI: she’s gonna have kittens winston!

WINSTON: There’s no space on the Watchpoint for them either. Plus, who's going to watch them if everyone is out on a mission?

MCCREE: we don't get missions winston, things rarely happen here!

GENJI: yeah!

WINSTON: There's always a chance of destruction, especially when at least four agents of Talon know that Overwatch is back.

MCCREE: ... what about blackwatch

WINSTON: What about Blackwatch?

MCCREE: blackwatch has always played by their own rules and reyes never had any complaints on pets 

GENJI: soba is not a pet! she's a manifestation of my soul.

MCCREE: tomatoe, tomato 

WINSTON: Commander Reyes is dead.

MCCREE: but i’m not

MCCREE: face it winston, i can't even go on missions with you guys - i’ve got a 60 million dollar bounty on my head. i can command a new blackwatch.

WINSTON: A Blackwatch with just you? 

MCCREE: the junkers are also wanted men 

GENJI: if possible, i can help both overwatch and mccree's blackwatch

ZENYATTA: I Can Do The Same.

MCCREE: hana said she and brigette are also in! she's mad you silenced her.

WINSTON: I have to talk it over with everyone else, I still don't think you should become a Commander just because you want a cat.

MCCREE: what can i say? i’m pretty sure i was dropped on my head when i was a pup.

WINSTON: You sure were.

-

 

**[Winston] re-entered the chat [Overwatch OG’s]**

 

WINSTON: Ana, I still don't understand the chat name.

ANA: OG stands for original, winston

WINSTON: Still doesn't make any sense.

76: anyways, why were we called to this chat?

REINHARDT: it better not be on giving jack relationship advice.

76: thanks reinhardt

WINSTON: It’s not that, how many of you are in favor of Agent McCree re-forming his own Blackwatch sector? Say I.

ANA: i

REINHARDT: I.

76: will it piss gabe off?

ANA: probably.

76: okay then

76: i.

WINSTON: If this goes wrong, I’m blaming you three.

REINHARDT: you don't want him to command blackwatch?

WINSTON: It’s McCree we’re talking about.

ANA: then give him a consequence like have hanzo join as well.

WINSTON: Hanzo is our second best agent.

ANA: i’m assuming fareeha is our best?

WINSTON: Goodness no, she broke the pool table - Satya is our best agent.

76: that sounds like even more a reason to let hanzo join mccree. great agents in all branches.

ANA: wait, who else is a part of mccree’s blackwatch?

WINSTON: Junkrat, Roadhog, D.Va, and Brigette. Zenyatta and Genji also said they’d help of they were needed.

REINHARDT: hanzo, mccree, and genji - sounds like disaster.

76: are we sure we should be letting a 19 year old in blackwatch?

ANA: you let three 17 year olds join, jack.

76: in my defense, one wasn't under my command.

WINSTON: This organization is going to fall again anyways.

 

-

 

WINSTON: Congratulations McCree, you're now Commander of Blackwatch 2.0

MCCREE: HELL YEAH! 

MCCREE: i’d like to thank my dad, gabriel reyes for being the worst commander in blackwatch history, my cat - dolly parton, and my boyfriend genji 

WINSTON: There is one catch…

MCCREE: what?

WINSTON: Hanzo is joining your team.

GENJI: do you want this place to burn like the switzerland base?

MCCREE: what he said.

WINSTON: Do you want Dolly Parton to live in the woods?

MCCREE: ...no

WINSTON: Then Hanzo is on your team.

MCCREE: >:-P 

MCCREE: do i at least get mod privileges now?

WINSTON: Yes.

 

**[Winston] promoted [McCree] to Moderator**

 

MCCREE: thanx

 

**[McCree] changed the name of the chat to [BLACKWATCH RULES]**

**[McCree] left the chat [BLACKWATCH RULES]**

 

GENJI: to be fair winston, i think hanzo and mccree on the same team is a horrendous idea.

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [BLACKWATCH RULES]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! thanks for the support on this fic and i'm sorry all the chapters are so short - but this chapter is the main reason i started this fic other than i was bored because i just love the concept of blackwatch d.va and a blackwatch 2.0 in general. also hanzo joining was kinda yo have two from every category tho that's kind of irrelevant with the damage category lol <3


	10. blackwatch chat + reaper actually being an ok dad and husband

**[McCree] created the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

**[McCree] added [D.Va], [Brigette Lindholm], [Genji Shimada], [Zenyatta], [Roadhog], and [Junkrat] to the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

**[Genji Shimada] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

 

GENJI: you forgot to add hanzo

MCCREE: do i have to? :-[

GENJI: yes… for dolly parton

 

**[McCree] added [Hanzo Shimada] to the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

 

GENJI: @HANZO

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

 

HANZO: What is this?

MCCREE: welcome to blackwatch hanzo

HANZO: Blackwatch?

MCCREE: the covert ops division of overwatch? were you even allowed to read the news 8 years ago?

HANZO: I was busy leading the clan.

GENJI: and being a bitch.

HANZO: Why is Genji here?

MCCREE: he was a member of the original blackwatch after you MURDERED him

GENJI: uhh @ZENYATTA

 

**[Zenyatta] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

 

ZENYATTA: Great Another Chat To Add To My System.

GENJI: can you please get mccree to calm down

MCCREE: i don't need to calm down.

MCCREE: @EVERYONE

 

**[D.Va] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

**[Brigette Lindholm] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

**[Roadhog] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

**[Junkrat] entered the chat [BLACKWATCH BEST WATCH]**

 

D.VA: hello!

MCCREE: welcome to the blackwatch 2.0 chatroom which is infinitely better than the overwatch base chat - does anyone have any questions?

HANZO: Yeah, why am I here?

MCCREE: because winston wanted to punish me for being obnoxious, next?

BRIGETTE: Am I the only one that's going to be able to keep you guys alive?

GENJI: we have zenyatta on the side

ZENYATTA: Hello Again Brigette.

D.VA: when are we going to kick some ass?

MCCREE: when ever we get a mission or intel

JUNKRAT: I HATE WAITING

D.VA: me too junkrat >:-P i joined cause i thought it would be more fun

ROADHOG: i’m actually cool with that

MCCREE: thank you mako

ROADHOG: no prob

JUNKRAT: wait… who's mako?

ROADHOG: we’ve been over this - my real name is mako

JUNKRAT: huh. i dont remember being told that.

HANZO: How are you unable to remember the name of someone you spend all your time around?

JUNKRAT: HEY! i spend time with other people too

ROADHOG: he has to or else i’d go crazy

MCCREE: is that a risk i should be worried about?

JUNKRAT: being crazy isn't all that bad!

HANZO: I say chaos is dangerous.

GENJI: did you get that one from symmetra?

MCCREE: if you're taking bad about satya,pharah will kill you

GENJI: someone's gotta do it

HANZO: It should've been me.

MCCREE: don't make me suspend you hanzo

HANZO: Please, I don't want to be apart of this mess any longer.

MCCREE: since you asked, i guess i won't...

D.VA: oo! burn!

JUNKRAT: is something burning?

ROADHOG: it's an expression

JUNKRAT: damn :^(

MCCREE: junkrat pLEASE don't burn anything

JUNKRAT: it's kinda my job mate

MCCREE: then take a break until we get a mission.

 

\---

_PRIVATE MESSAGE_

 

REAPER: **a little birdy told me you reformed blackwatch**

MCCREE: your birdy was correct

REAPER: **he ran overwatch for many years, he better be**

MCCREE: can you stop being sappy about jack for one minute

REAPER: **i just wanted to say that i’m proud of you**

REAPER: **37 years old and you finally decided to grow up**

MCCREE: if it means anything, ana’s 60 and she hasn't grown up much

REAPER: **jesse, just let a father have his moment**

MCCREE: sorry…

MCCREE: i miss you gabriel- blackwatch misses you gabriel, if you ever want to switch sides, there's an opening for a commander waiting for you

REAPER: **that's sweet, but i can't - not after everything i’ve done.**

MCCREE: :-/

 

\---

_PRIVATE MESSAGE_

 

REAPER: i hate lying to him jack

76: it's part of the job, once we can collectively take down talon - he can learn the truth

REAPER: he wants me to be his commander again, you're not even strike commander anymore

76: i don't need to be

76: jesse's smart, he’ll be able to lead new blackwatch into success

REAPER: how much do you want to bet it'll be over in a week?

76: 50.

REAPER: sounds good to me babe

\---

 

MCCREE: genji face it, you're never going to beat hana

GENJI: i can't lose

HANZO: You can lose 80% of your body.

MCCREE: stay out of this hanzo

HANZO: I don't take orders from fools like you.

MCCREE: this fool can best you in hand to hand combat, think about that

D.VA: i’m sorry that i’m so good

BRIGETTE: i don't understand the game, but go hana

D.VA: thanks babe <3

ZENYATTA: If He Puts His Mind To It, Genji Can Win.

GENJI: i believe you master

JUNKRAT: if someone blows up the t.v. then really everyone wins

ROADHOG: dont do that.

JUNKRAT: :^(

MCCREE: one more round and then we can all agree that hana is better than genji at video games

GENJI: i love my supportive boyfriend

HANZO: Passive aggressiveness will get you nowhere Genji.

GENJI: neither will straight up aggression unless you want to kill your brother i guess!

D.VA: ooo… is someone salty?

HANZO: Not your business, D.Va.

D.VA: hmpf :(

GENJI: YES! I FINALLY WON!

D.VA: how????

GENJI: easy, you were distracted by my “saltiness"

D.VA: >:( rematch?

GENJI: you're on.

MCCREE: i must be the worst commander

HANZO: I’m pretty sure you are.

ROADHOG: seconded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise the chapters will get better and that we'll focus on an actual flow of a story with a climax and an ending soon but for now enjoy mccree's struggling and my suffering <3


	11. more blackwatch chat + pharah and lúcio invent a new word

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] re-entered the chat [GAYWATCH]**

 

HANZO: Please tell me Commander McCree didn't change the name of Blackwatch to Gaywatch.

GENJI: you're gay too hanzo - admit it

HANZO: Why should I?

D.VA: because you're literally not straight?? 

HANZO: You got me there.

D.VA: of course i did, genji told us all about highschool hanzo

HANZO: He didn’t.

GENJI: hana!! 

D.VA: whoops!! dw, i won’t tell anyone else about halloween 2055

HANZO: Genji, I swear I’m going to kill you.

GENJI: won't be the first time   ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

D.VA: hEY! i said i wasn’t going to tell

 

**[Junkrat] re-entered the chat [GAYWATCH]**

 

JUNKRAT: WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

D.VA: the time hanzo dressed up as a leather daddy when he was 17

HANZO: HANA!

D.VA: sorry not sorry hanzie

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] left the chat**

 

JUNKRAT: oH! Kinky

GENJI: i know right

ZENYATTA: Genji I Don’t Think It’s Polite To Speak Of Your Brother’s Sex Life Like That

GENJI: he almost killed me, i think it’s fair 

GENJI: plus blackwatch has always been a family and now it literally is

D.VA: you’re not a full member of blackwatch tho

D.VA: you kinda just face fuck our commander and spar with us occasionally

GENJI: you and brigette are always face fucking each other, why can’t mccree and i do the same?

D.VA: we do more than face fuck  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

GENJI: ...gross

JUNKRAT: suddenly i wish i could leave like hanzo

GENJI: mood

D.VA: really junkrat? i expected you of all people to be comfortable with sexual innuendos

JUNKRAT: what’s that supposed to mean? i was raised in the outback! not some sort of sex cult

D.VA: potatoe, potato

JUNKRAT: if i even tried to get laid out there, i’m pretty sure my peen would fall off

GENJI: mine already has

JUNKRAT: rip mate

D.VA: rip

GENJI: thank you for your condolences

 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [GAYWATCH]**

 

MCCREE: howdy

GENJI: howdy

MCCREE: i’m assuming everything is going fine in our department

GENJI: everything is great, but it’s better now that you’re back

JUNKRAT: gay.

D.VA: gay.

GENJI: really guys?

D.VA: if you’re gonna be gross, be gross somewhere else 

MCCREE: i could say the same thing for you and brigette

D.VA: >:(

MCCREE: that’s what i thought

MCCREE: genji can i see you in my office

GENJI: what for?

MCCREE: winston wants me to talk to you about your plans on how you and zen are going to work for both departments without getting caught

JUNKRAT: sure he does

MCCREE: jamison, please

JUNKRAT: no, no go ahead mate

JUNKRAT: don’t mind me

GENJI: really, don’t mind him

GENJI: anyways, i’m on my way

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat**

 

JUNKRAT: you’re gonna fuck

MCCREE: don’t make me give you homework jamison

JUNKRAT: what are you gonna do? make me drop and give you 20?

MCCREE: how about 40?

D.VA: ooo

MCCREE: you too hana

D.VA: what did i do????

MCCREE: assisted junkrat in his antics

D.VA: >:(

D.VA: you’re worse than jack sometimes

MCCREE: ouch, i’m soo hurt

 

**[McCree] left the chat**

 

D.VA: we’re not really giving him 40 pushups right?

JUNKRAT: oh hell no!

D.VA: glad we’re on the same page :)

 

-

 

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] re-entered the chat [SK8 FAST EAT ASS]**

 

LÙCIO: oh you know i do

TRACER: lúcio!!! 

LÙCIO: tracer!!!

D.VA: d.va!!!

D.VA: sorry i just wanted to be included

LÙCIO: d.va!!!

TRACER: d.va!!

D.VA: ahh!!!

ANA: youth truly is wasted on the young

TRACER: oh c’mon ana, you love us!

LÙCIO: yeah no one else gave us full sized candy bars on halloween

PHARAH: wait, you gave them full sized candy bars? what about me?

ANA: sweetheart, you’re in your thirties

LÙCIO: full sized candy is full sized candy

D.VA: an ancient proverb by lúcio

LÙCIO: the perks of being a musician

LÙCIO: thank you hana

PHARAH: all i received were protein bars

TRACER: to be fair, there’s always next year fareeha

PHARAH: i mean, i don’t care - i already have satya and she’s the sweetest thing

D.VA: come on pharah, you and i both know that’s a lie

PHARAH: she may act rough to you guys, but she’s nice to me

D.VA: pharah…

PHARAH: ok! she’s kinda serious but it’s sexy and cute at the same time it’s… sute

LÙCIO: cexy

TRACER: and i’m lost again

ANA: where is my daughter and what ever happened to lúcio being a musician

D.VA: idk, cexy has a nice ring to it

PHARAH: is it pronounced like the word sexy or is it like “kex-ie”

LÙCIO: it’s whatever your heart desires my flying friend

PHARAH: gotcha

LÙCIO: no prob

LÙCIO: now how about a game

PHARAH: oh you’re on

ANA: and there’s my daughter fareeha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay! so i kinda feel like my chapters have been getting worse and worse so pLEAse comment what/who you wanna see more of so that way i can satisfy myself in making you guys satisfied


	12. there's a hamster now

**[Winston] added [Hammond] to the chat [OVERFUCK]**   
**[Hammond] entered the chat [OVERFUCK]**   
**[Hammond] changed their name to [Wrecking Ball]**

 

WINSTON: Hammond, no.

WRECKING: Hammond, yes.

JUNKRAT: wrecking ball? isn't that like junkertown’s #1 mech fighters

WRECKING: Yes, who are you?

JUNKRAT: jamison fawkes - junkertowns most famous engineer, pleased to meet you mr. wrecking ball sir

TORBJÖRN: You are NOT an engineer, Jamison.

SYMMETRA: Let the rat dream.

WRECKING: Who are you calling a rat?

JUNKRAT: that would be me :^/

SYMMETRA: Why did you take such offense to my statement Wrecking Ball?

WRECKING: I just didn't want you getting your rodents mixed up.

SYMMETRA: Rodents?

WINSTON: Hammond here is a hamster.

TORBJÖRN: And just like that I’m out! I thought Brigette on the battlefield made my skin crawl but this is ten times worse.

WINSTON: Really? I was going to ask if that omnic you have been housing would like to join us as well, Torbjörn.

ZENYATTA: A Fellow Omnic?

TORBJÖRN: No.

ZENYATTA: The Iris Is Not Impressed With You Torbjörn.

TORBJÖRN: I don't care.

 

**[Torbjörn Lindholm] left the chat [OVERFUCK]**

 

WINSTON: Sorry about Torbjörn, Hammond. He's a bit too… traditional.

WRECKING: That's acceptable, I’m sure he’ll adapt soon.

SYMMETRA: I wouldn't be too confident. He has yet to accept my hard light inventions as true convinces.

WRECKING: Have you tried forcing him to accept?

SYMMETRA: What are you saying?

WINSTON: Hammond, please...

WRECKING: Have you considered slamming a giant wrecking ball into him? What about blowing him up?

JUNKRAT: i like the second option!!!

SYMMETRA: That does sound a little… chaotic… perhaps I’ll just make him something instead.

WRECKING: Sure, if you want to be boring.

SYMMETRA: I’m not boring, I’m orderly.

JUNKRAT: i’m the fun one here

WINSTON: Speaking of you being here… don’t you have a Blackwatch assignment to be on.

ZENYATTA: Jamison, You Never Did Your Fourty Push Ups That McCree Told You And Hana To Do

JUNKRAT: PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM

WINSTON: I’d suggest you stop enabling our new recruit then.

JUNKRAT: :^(

 

**[Junkrat] left the chat [OVERFUCK]**

 

SYMMETRA: I never asked about the name of the chat.

WINSTON: Tracer stubbed her toe when she was changing the name - I guess it was originally supposed to be “Overcucks".

WRECKING: To be honest, I like that one more.

WINSTON: Of course you do.

SYMMETRA: I don't get it, what's a cuck?

WRECKING: Well…

 

**[Winston] silenced [Wrecking Ball] for** **_01:00:00_ **

 

\---

 

_ PRIVATE MESSAGE _

 

SYMMETRA: There is more chaos here than I imagined.

HANZO: You met the hamster too?

SYMMETRA: Not face to face.

HANZO: Oh, are you in for a treat.

SYMMETRA: What does that mean?

HANZO: You’ll see.

SYMMETRA: I will melt you, tell me why you're acting so smug.

HANZO: I am not smug.

SYMMETRA: You've been warned Shimada.

HANZO: The hamster looks ridiculous is all.

SYMMETRA: It’s a hamster, of course he looks ridiculous.

HANZO: Yeah but he looks … extra ridiculous.

SYMMETRA: Fareeha just sent me an image … I understand.

HANZO: I’m always right.

SYMMETRA: Except for when you killed your brother, correct?

HANZO: That … wasn't my most correct decision.

 

-

 

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [TO WHOEVER STOLE MY HAT, YOUR MOMS A HOE]**

 

GENJI: bet you regret that chat name jesse

MCCREE: your mother had hanzo right? 

GENJI: touché

HANZO: What did I do to deserve this?

GENJI: murdered me.

MCCREE: murdered him.

HANZO: Touché.

GENJI: <3

MCCREE: <3

GENJI: <33

MCCREE: <333

HANZO: Can you guys say actual words please?

MCCREE: not to you 

GENJI: ooo burn

MCCREE: <3

HANZO: Jesus christ.

 

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [TO WHOEVER STOLE MY HAT, YOUR MOMS A HOE]**

 

HANZO: Hana, thank god - my brother and McCree are being gay again.

D.VA: neat! can brigette and i join?

MCCREE: yes.

D.VA: @BRIGETTE

 

**[Brigette Lindholm] re-entered the chat [TO WHOEVER STOLE MY HAT, YOUR MOMS A HOE]**

 

BRIGETTE: Have you guys met the hamster yet?

D.VA: HAMSTER?

BRIGETTE: Yeah, his name is Hammond and he drives a mech just like you.

D.VA: i’m number 1 tho

GENJI: hey mccree, what if dolly parton finds hammond the hamster?

MCCREE: oh he’ll be fine, dolly’s too cuddly to hurt any anything living

HANZO: Are we talking about the same Dolly Parton that bit me?

GENJI: yes

MCCREE: we trained her to do that.

HANZO: Assholes.

GENJI: ¯\\_(ツ)_/ ¯

MCCREE: ¯\\_(ツ)_/ ¯

D.VA: if my brother nearly killed me, i woulda done the same thing.

GENJI: thanks for understanding hana.

D.VA: its least i can do for constantly steamrolling you when we play video games.

GENJI: >:-(

MCCREE: if it really bothers you genji, i can always get sombra to help

D.VA: NO >:(

GENJI: oh??

D.VA: DON'T DO THAT !

D.VA: JUST GIT GOOD !

MCCREE: i was just joking but maybe sombra and i can arrange something if you step out of line again

D.VA: please don't 

MCCREE: promise you won't act out?

D.VA: >:(

BRIGETTE: Hana, baby, please.

D.VA: fine.

MCCREE: i think i’m getting better at this commander thing.

HANZO: You're really not.

MCCREE: ¯\\_(ツ)_/ ¯ didn't ask for your opinion hanzo

HANZO: Shame, you're going to get it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice how i added hammond before orisa and bastion because i have no clue how? yikes!!!! also sorry for getting kinda carried away with mcgenji again lmao.


	13. talon chat pt. 3 feat. mercy

**[Doomfist] re-entered the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

DOOMFIST: Gabriel is dead?

SOMBRA: no but he should be.

DOOMFIST: I’m confused.

WIDOWMAKER: He snuck into my room.

DOOMFIST: Ahh, I’ll deal with him.

WIDOWMAKER: No need. I finally got to test my new venom mines on him.

DOOMFIST: ...And?

WIDOWMAKER: Worked like a charm.

SOMBRA: he’s spending his time with moira now.

DOOMFIST: @MOIRA

 

**[Moira O'Deoridian] re-entered the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

MOIRA: Gabriel's fine, stop saying he’s dead Sombra.

SOMBRA: who made you the fun police?

MOIRA: …

SOMBRA: never mind, don’t answer that.

MOIRA: Akande, I do have a question to ask.

DOOMFIST: Then I must have an answer.

MOIRA: Can Angela join this chat?

DOOMFIST: Who’s “Angela"?

WIDOWMAKER: Her girlfriend.

DOOMFIST: I don't see why not then.

SOMBRA: really? she's overwatch's lead medic, angela ziegler?

DOOMFIST: Sombra, I don't know if you get it but I trust Moira more than I’ll ever trust you.

SOMBRA: whatever.

 

**[Sombra] added [Mercy] to the chat [RIP GABRIEL]**

**[Mercy] entered the chat [RIP GABRIEL]**

 

MERCY: Thank god he's dead.

SOMBRA: he’s not dead.

MOIRA: I can arrange that, my love.

SOMBRA: ...gross.

MOIRA: I can end you too, Sombra.

SOMBRA: please?

MAXIMILIAN: Yes. Please, Moira?

WIDOWMAKER: Rude, I’ve been open to murdering you for ages.

SOMBRA: yeah, but i don't want to die in the middle of an orgasm. that would be embarrassing.

MOIRA: ...Gross.

DOOMFIST: Please, we can't lose anymore valuable operatives.

SOMBRA: so i’m valuable now, i thought you didn't trust me?

DOOMFIST: I don't.

MERCY: So this is the Talon group chat? Doesn't seem that different from Overwatch's.

SOMBRA: yeah, but zenyatta is cooler than maxie here.

MAXIMILIAN: Tekhartha Zenyatta Is A Coward.

WIDOWMAKER: And what're you?

SOMBRA: oo get him babe!

WIDOWMAKER: ...Don’t call me babe.

MERCY: Mein gott, it really is like watching Satya and Pharah.

WIDOWMAKER: What can I say, Satya is a kindred spirit.

SOMBRA: Sanjay did groom her to be that way ‘cause he's a dick.

MAXIMILIAN: Why Are You So Cynical Sombra?

SOMBRA: hey! it's not like i hate everyone - just you, sanjay, moira, and akande.

MOIRA: That's actually very fair of you to say Sombra.

DOOMFIST: I lied about Sombra being valuable, kill her if you want Lacroix.

SOMBRA: pretty please? <3

WIDOWMAKER: I changed my mind.

SOMBRA: damnit

WIDOWMAKER: Désolée.

MOIRA: Good because I’m not healing you.

MERCY: As if you heal anyone.

DOOMFIST: I like you, Mercy. Work for Talon?

MERCY: Hell no.

SOMBRA: why don't you get a boyfriend akande and get him to join?

DOOMFIST: I’m not going to pretend like I haven't been trying.

SOMBRA: yeah but hanzo is a part of blackwatch and gabe and moira can tell you what happened last time blackwatch and talon went head to head

MOIRA: It's Gabriel’s fault.

MAXIMILIAN: Don't Lie Moira, We Were Funding You For Years.

MERCY: Really?

MOIRA: I will get you used for scrap, Maximilian.

MERCY: I really don't regret shutting your lab down then.

MOIRA: Somra, can you remove her?

SOMBRA: sorry, I’m having too much fun

MOIRA: Do you want to join Gabriel and I then?

SOMBRA: of course not

MOIRA: Then remove her.

MERCY: Why do you want me to be removed so bad? Any other secrets lying around?

WIDOWMAKER: She doesn't like the boxed wine you buy for her.

MERCY: Really?!

MOIRA: Lacroix, I think you're due for another round of brainwashing.

SOMBRA: NO

 

**[Sombra] removed [Mercy] from the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

SOMBRA: happy now?

MOIRA: Thanks Sombra, I knew you weren't as incompetent as you make yourself out to be.

SOMBRA: yeah, whatever.

DOOMFIST: Why did you get so defensive about Amélie being brainwashed again?

MAXIMILIAN: They're Dating, Akande.

DOOMFIST: I knew that, Max. You're dismissed.

MAXIMILIAN: This Chat Is Downloaded Into My System, I Literally Cannot Leave.

DOOMFIST: Then be quiet.

SOMBRA: i don't want her to forget me, akande - is that wrong?

WIDOWMAKER: Oh my god, you're so gay.

SOMBRA: have you seen yourself? who wouldn't be?

MOIRA: Not everyone has a blue skin kink like you Sombra.

WIDOWMAKER: Who's fault is that?

SOMBRA: yeah, moira?

MOIRA: Why are you attacking me for doing my job?

SOMBRA: you could have said no

DOOMFIST: I don't think Dr. O’Deoridian would like to be brutally murdered.

MOIRA: Oh, I would - but who else can say they modified someone's genetics so they're completely unrecognizable?

WIDOWMAKER: I’m pretty sure people still remember me as Amélie.

DOOMFIST: We’re working on Ana Amari’s fate.

SOMBRA: also didn't mercy do the same thing with genji?

MOIRA: For fucks sake, stop comparing me to Angela.

SOMBRA: don’t threaten my girlfriend then.

MOIRA: I’m sure your girlfriend can speak up for herself.

WIDOWMAKER: I think what Somba’s doing is cute.

SOMBRA: ty <3

MOIRA: Whatever.

 

**[Moira O'Deoridian] left the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

SOMBRA: thank god.

WIDOWMAKER: Thanks for having my back, chéri.

SOMBRA: anytime <3

DOOMFIST: I’m going to check on Gabriel.

SOMBRA: bye bye akande

 

**[Doomfist] left the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

SOMBRA: meet me in my room in 10 princesa? <3

WIDOWMAKER: Meet you there.

 

**[Widowmaker] left the chat [RIP GABE]**

**[Sombra] left the chat [RIP GABE]**

 

MAXIMILIAN: Humans Are Unaware Of The Privileges They Have Over Omnics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been like 3 weeks since the last chapter and i'm so sorry ! anyways sombra's a hopeless lesbian and i'm in love with her.


	14. overwatch's summer vacation

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

D.VA: i…  don’t want to know.

GENJI: pussy.

D.VA: :(

BRIGETTE: Don’t be sad baby, he called you a cat. I love cats and I love you.

GENJI: wtf brig, i called her a vagina.

BRIGETTE: oH!

BRIGETTE: I like vaginas too!

TRACER: same brig, same.

D.VA: smh

D.VA: anyways! are we all ready for the beach?

GENJI: ...no

MERCY: Genji, please remember to wear sunscreen this time.

GENJI: why can't i just wear my faceplate?

MERCY: You're going to overheat.

GENJI: master does not “overheat”

ZENYATTA: I’m Not A Cyborg Like You.

MERCY: Please, Genji.

MCCREE: i wouldn't get on her bad side genji.

GENJI: whatever

MERCY: Thanks.

MEI: Don’t worry Angela, I’m going to bring my endothermic blaster just in case.

D.VA: you mean your weapon?

MEI: Yeah, it'll make everyone extra cool.

MCCREE: what about that thing on your back?

MEI: Snowball? I don't know…

ZARYA: McCree, don’t make Mei do some thing she doesn't want to do or else I will crush you.

MCCREE: pls murder me with your strong arms zarya

MCCREE: choke me.

ZARYA: No.

MCCREE: :-[

MCCREE: sad cowboy hours.

D.VA: neehaw

MERCY: Hana, don't encourage him.

D.VA: :(

BRIGETTE: Neehaw.

GENJI: neehaw

MERCY: Christ have mercy.

 

**[Winston] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

WINSTON: Who changed the name?

GENJI: mccree

MCCREE: way to have my back

WINSTON: Sigh, is everyone ready for the beach?

 

**[Sombra] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Widowmaker] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

SOMBRA: good one mccree

SOMBRA: little fly on the wall said the overwatch crew was going to the beach and widow and i decided we're going to tag along

TRACER: does that mean widow will be wearing a bikini?

TRACER: asking for emily.

SOMBRA: smh

WINSTON: Sorry Sombra, I can't allow Talon agents to tag along on a trip like this.

SOMBRA: well sorry monkey, i don't play by your rules.

WINSTON: Understood.

WINSTON: Then is everyone ready to go?

D.VA: i think so.

WINSTON: Alright, board the bus and let's get going.

D.VA: i can't wait to board the battle bus, where we dropping boys.

GENJI: hana nobody cares for your old school video game references.

D.VA: fortnite is a CLASSIC >:(

WINSTON: Let’s just go.

 

-

 

**[76] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

76: Nobody told me Gabe would be here.

REAPER: **surprise bitch.**

PHARAH: stop acting like you guys hate each other, we know the truth.

76: Okay, but what is he wearing?

REAPER: **i don't look the same in a swimsuit like i used too jack.**

76: But a BIKER suit? Really? Who’s idea was that?

REAPER: **sombra’s**

SOMBRA: hola.

76: Shouldn't have expected anything less from your sidekick.

SOMBRA: HEY! i am not gabe's sidekick!

WIDOWMAKER: Sure you aren't, cherí.

SOMBRA: :-(

REAPER: **if sombra's my sidekick then does that make ana yours? i mean… you complain about my outfit, but have you seen yours?**

D.VA: reaper's right… socks with sandals? not a good look

ANA: i am not jack’s sidekick.

ANA: he’s mine.

76: exactly.

REAPER: **whatever… are we going to watch zenyatta and winston’s baseball game now, jack?**

76: sounds like a plan.

 

**[76] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Reaper] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OF BE PISSED ON]**

 

LÚCIO: is anyone up for a game of lúcioball?

SOMBRA: ooo! me!!!

SOMBRA: the kids in dorado live for lúcioball - i’ve always wanted to learn.

WIDOWMAKER: What a nerd.

SOMBRA: your nerd tho, don’t 4get it.

WIDOWMAKER: How could I?

PHARAH: i’m down for a game lúcio.

LÚCIO: i know you are fareeha >:-)

SATYA: Please don't strain yourself darling.

ANA: don’t worry satya, fareeha has always been a star athlete.

PHARAH: please mom… don’t embarrass me.

ANA: it's a mother's job, sweetpea.

PHARAH: MOM! :(

ANA: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

ANA: sorry dear, but remember you have a game of american football with reinhardt and brigette later

PHARAH: okay mom

ANA: love you <3

PHARAH: love you too

 

**[Ana Amari] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

SOMBRA: just so you know pharah, i screenshotted that whole conversation

PHARAH: >:(

LÚCIO: uhhh meet me @ the lúcioball field in five minutes

LÚCIO: be there or be square

 

**[Lúcio Correia Dos Santos] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Pharah] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Satya Vaswani] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

SOMBRA: widow, love - are you going to watch and support me?

WIDOWMAKER: I was under the impression that Satya and I were going to sunbathe.

D.VA: wait… how would that work - you're blue.

WIDOWMAKER: Ask Moira.

 

**[Widowmaker] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

SOMBRA: it's ok d.va, i don't understand either

 

**[Sombra] left the chat [IT'S PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

D.VA: @MOIRA

 

**[Moira O'Deoridian] re-entered the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

MOIRA: What do you want?

D.VA: how does widowmaker tan?

MOIRA: She can’t.

 

**[Moira O'Deoridian] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

D.VA: :-(

D.VA: @ROADHOG @JUNKRAT @WRECKING

 

**[Junkrat] re-entered the chat [IT'S PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Roadhog] re-entered the chat [IT'S PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Wrecking Ball] re-entered the chat [IT'S PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

D.VA: i’m boredd

ROADHOG: Aren't you always bored?

D.VA: yeah? but you guys are supposed to be fun

WRECKING: The mousey one and I are setting up the bonfire.

D.VA: sounds boring

ROADHOG: It's only boring because Jamison won't stop staring at the older Shimada.

JUNKRAT: he looks good in swim trunks is all i’m saying.

D.VA: sorry to break it to you junkrat but i think lúcio already called dibs

JUNKRAT: aw, it's alright

JUNKRAT: lùcio’s my friend, i want him to be happy

D.VA: me too bud :-)

D.VA: anyways how are we setting up the bonfire?

JUNKRAT: oh! hammond and i created a new contraption that automatically sets things on fire

ROADHOG: They made a flamethrower.

D.VA: oh hell yeah!

 

**[D.Va] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Junkrat] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Roadhog] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

**[Wrecking Ball] left the chat [ITS PISS OR BE PISSED ON]**

 

ZENYATTA: The Iris Tells Me This Is Going To Be A Disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for not updating in a while because school started and i'm sorry that this chapter is trash but i tried to get everyone in there except for torb, hanzo and doomfist cause i didn't know where they would fit. also how are you guys enjoying the summer games event?


	15. d.va has TWO (2) hands

**[D.Mon] re-entered the chat [MEMEKA]**

 

D.VA: h-hewwo sexy woman? 

KING: Hana… blease.

OVERLORD: no… let her do it, kyung-soo

D.VA: t-thanx ((blushies))

D.MON: Hana, I swear.

DAE-HYUN: hana…

D.VA: fine… you guys take life so seriously

CASINO: Need me to remind you about the time you cried for three straight days because someone beat your high score in metal slug?

D.VA: no, no you don't 

D.MON: Wait! What about the time she didn't leave her room for a week because she was doing “serious research” on how to beat the gwishi - but really she was trying desperately to feed her fish on her virtual aquarium?

D.VA: yunaaa… please :(((

OVERLORD: i have an embarrassing hana story! 

D.VA: seung-hwa, you tell this story and i’m never helping you fix your mech again.

OVERLORD: once, i caught hana with her hand stuck in the vending machine because she couldn't get the last nano-cola and instead of letting go, she sat there until dae-hyun tore down the machine and got the soda for her.

DAE-HYUN: i remember that… it was pretty embarrassing for hana.

D.VA: at least kyung-soo doesn't have any embarrassing stories.

KING: Once Hana drunk texted me confessing her feelings for Yuna and when I asked about it in the morning, she just said “yolo”.

D.VA: in my defense, it worked out for me and yuna.

D.MON: One time, I sent Hana nudes and she replied with “poggers".

D.VA: but now it might not >:(

D.MON: Awe, c’mon babe - it was cute!!!

KING: F.

CASINO: F

OVERLORD: f

DAE-HYUN: f in the chat for hana boys.

D.VA: thanks for your support guys

D.MON: :-P Anyways I joined because I overheard something from command.

D.VA: owo?

D.MON: owo.

CASINO: Tell us already, Yuna.

D.MON: Okay, apparently Overwatch is back and they want to recruit one of us.

KING: You're kidding.

DAE-HYUN: they're not gonna recruit me right?

D.VA: why would they? who’s gonna help me fix my mech if you're gone?

OVERLORD: i’m pretty sure they're gonna recruit you hana.

D.VA: ew, why would they? i think they're gonna recruit you or king.

KING: Why me?

D.VA: your mechs are the same colors as their colors - it makes sense.

D.MON: No… I see where Seung-Hwa is coming from - D.Va is the face of Meka and Korea, why wouldn't they want her?

D.VA: that's exactly why i can't leave.

DAE-HYUN: i heard lúcio was joining.

D.VA: of course you did.

DAE-HYUN: hana, if you did get recruited then maybe you could introduce us.

D.VA: i can introduce you guys now if i really wanted too!

CASINO: Why would Overwatch break our squad apart? What if there's another gwishi attack?

D.VA: exactly!

D.VA: we need to be ready.

D.MON: Maybe Overwatch could help us… I’m pretty sure after the last attack, the gwishi have already adapted to our mechs.

KING: She’s right, Hana.

OVERLORD: maybe mercy will be there, i could always use more help up in the air.

D.MON: Mercy… now that's a woman.

D.VA: HEY!

D.MON: I love you more, Hana.

D.VA: mhm…

D.VA: but what if one of us do get recruited yuna? what about our relationship?

D.MON: I’ll wait for you, Hana.

OVERLORD: that's gay!

CASINO: Seung-Hwa, please.

KING: Why are you booing them, they're right!

DAE-HYUN: i’m like 80% sure everyone in this chat isn't straight.

D.MON: Thank you King and Dae-Hyun. :-)

D.VA: i love you yuna 

D.MON: Can we get some Pogchamps in the chat?

D.VA: HEY!

D.VA: i love you one percent less.

D.MON: No you don't.

D.VA: you're right.

D.MON: Poggers.

DAE-HYUN: poggers.

 

-

 

_ PRIVATE MESSAGE  _

 

BRIGETTE: Hana, is everything alright - you’ve been really out of it today.

D.VA: i just miss my squad.

BRIGETTE: We’re going back to Busan in the morning, you’ll see them soon.

D.VA: i know, i’m just… nervous 

BRIGETTE: Uh huh, there's nothing a little snuggling can’t fix.

D.VA: you're right

D.VA: but i have a question

BRIGETTE: Hit me.

D.VA: what do you think of an open relationship?

BRIGETTE: I’m fine with anything as long as I still get to have you.

BRIGETTE: You have two hands for a reason.

D.VA: thanks brig, that's all i needed to hear - now can you come to my room?

BRIGETTE: Of course.

D.VA: <3

BRIGETTE: <33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter because i've been in a d.va mood ever since shooting star came out


	16. overwatch halloween party?

**[D.Va] re-entered the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

GENJI: HAPPY COCKTOBER D.VA

D.VA: i’m lesbian

GENJI: i thought u were korean

D.VA: >:(

MCCREE: anyways, winston made blackwatch in charge of the overwatch halloween party

D.VA: oh?

D.VA: is it cause we're emo?

MCCREE: yeah…. yeah

BRIGETTE: You know… Reinhardt used to tell my siblings and I the story of Dr. Junkenstein

MCCREE: yeah… he told us the same story, wasn't really scary tho

GENJI: angela told me you jumped when you saw her witch costume 

MCCREE: angela is a witch every year

GENJI: exactly, why did you get so scared??

MCCREE: >:-[

 

**[McCree] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

D.VA: pussy

GENJI: honestly…

D.VA: hey genji, what are you being for halloween?

GENJI: my halloween costume? cyborg ninja

D.VA: groan

D.VA: do you think hanzo is willing to be a leather daddy again 

GENJI: idk

GENJI: @HANZO 

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] re-entered the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

HANZO: What?

GENJI: what r u being for halloween?

D.VA: leather daddy?

HANZO: Stop bringing that up, Hana.

GENJI: WAIT! I GOT IT!

GENJI: let's be demons uwu

HANZO: No.

GENJI: PLEASE!

D.VA: hanzo is already a demon, wym

BRIGETTE: She's right.

GENJI: hanzo remember when mom would give us matching costumes?? 

HANZO: That was a long time ago

GENJI: hanzo, if i had tear ducts - i would be crying right now

GENJI: but i don't have tear ducts and that's your fault so match costumes with me

D.VA: he got u there hanzo

HANZO: Fine.

 

**[Hanzo Shimada] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

**[McCree] re-entered the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

D.VA: mccree! what's ur halloween costume gonna be?

MCCREE: i’m gonna be gabriel for halloween

GENJI: that's morbid

GENJI: i like it

D.VA: hmm

D.VA: brig? wby?

BRIGETTE: Fareeha and I are going to be Rienhardt’s knights. 

D.VA: ooo

BRIGETTE: What are you going to be?

D.VA: idk !!

D.VA: that's why i'm asking every1

D.VA: @JUNKRAT @ROADHOG @ZENYATTA

ZENYATTA: You Know You Don't Have To Contact Me Like That, I'm Always In The Chat.

D.VA: oof

D.VA: sorry zen !

 

**[Roadhog] re-entered the chat [COCKTOBER]**

**[Junkrat] re-entered the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

D.VA: what r u guys being for halloween???

JUNKRAT: dr. junkenstein and his monster !!

ROADHOG: I'm the monster.

D.VA: oo creative

D.VA: you're going to be a great monster, mako :)

ROADHOG: Thank you, D.Va.

D.VA: what are you going to be zen??

ZENYATTA: A Ghost.

D.VA: with a white sheet?

GENJI: that's not scary master

D.VA: shut up genji, let him do it

ZENYATTA: What Is Scary Then?

GENJI: cthulhu

D.VA: i like my idea more

ZENYATTA: Next Year, Hana.

D.VA: fineee

MCCREE: ok…

MCCREE: we need a theme for the halloween party

D.VA: we could do the junkenstein story brigette mentioned 

JUNKRAT: ooo !! can roadie and i get special treatment since that's our costume ?!?!?

MCCREE: ...maybe

JUNKRAT: nEat !1

 

**[Junkrat] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

**[Roadhog] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

BRIGETTE: Hey D.Va - you can turn your mech into a pumpkin for Halloween?

D.VA: i think the hamster is already doing that :/

BRIGETTE: Oh

D.VA: hmm… since ur being a knight, can i be ur princess?

BRIGETTE: Only if you're a cat princess.

D.VA: done.

GENJI: what is this a furry dating server?

D.VA: yea, what about it?

GENJI: understood 

MCCREE: wait, if they're doing a couple's costume - can we do a couple's costume?

GENJI: hanzo and i are being demons

MCCREE: then i'll bring out my van helsing costume again

GENJI: costume repeater. who are you, angela?

BRIGETTE: Papa wears the same Viking costume every year.

GENJI: who are you? angela and törbjorn?

MCCREE: might as well be, pumpkin

GENJI: okay that's fine

MCCREE: neat, now i just have to find it

 

**[McCree] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

GENJI: i should help

 

**[Genji Shimada] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

D.VA: they're gonna smash

BRIGETTE: Oh, of course they are.

D.VA: speaking of smash

D.VA: wanna play some smash bros?

BRIGETTE: Sure!

BRIGETTE: Maybe this time I'll be close to winning.

D.VA: super smash bros ultimate champion here

D.VA: isabelle main btw

BRIGETTE: God, you're lucky I love you.

D.VA: awh, i love me too :3

D.VA: i'm kidding, i love you too

BRIGETTE: <3

D.VA: <33

D.VA: meet me in my room in 10?

BRIGETTE: On my way

 

**[Brigette Lindholm] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

 

D.VA: neat

 

**[D.Va] left the chat [COCKTOBER]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been 2 months since my last update !! but schools been kicking my ass, but breaks next week so you can expect another chapter or two then that'll be better than this one ! but for now, enjoy a little blackwatch 2.0 chapter ♡


End file.
